Men, come here.

Which of your friends are rapists?

Soooo many men confidently say they don’t have any rapist friends. Then who is raping all of MY friends who are women? Men, you need to face a tough reality, you are probably friends with at least one rapist.

I will be blocking bad faith replies or outright trolls.

I think let’s start with what they define as rape.
Because I keep seeing people say it’s not rape if you’re married/sleeping/etc.

(It’s still rape.)

I'm in my 6th decade. I've never met one guy who knows a sexual predator. But 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙬𝙤𝙢𝙖𝙣 𝙄 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙞𝙣 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙨𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙨𝙞𝙯𝙚 has been a victim of sexual assault.

You have to dumb this down for clear understanding or they won't get it.

1. Being married does not take away consent.
2. Most women are raped by men they know.
3. We are not raping ourselves.
4. We are not talking about men being raped right now.
5. Yes we care about 4 but stay the fuck on topic.
6. You dont know your friend and family members well enough to say they aren't predators!
7. Don't make excuses. Just answer the question with names only or move the fuck around.

So many men don't even realize what rape is. They quizzed college guys about what constitutes rape and the look of horror (?) that came over so many guys faces when they realized that what they'd done was actual rape was way too many.

The honest answer: I don’t know. If I knew, they wouldn’t be my friends anymore. (Understatement).

I try to vet my friends, discuss misogyny, be aware of red flags. But still I can’t be sure. Statistically there must be some. And that’s a sickening thought.

Some of y'all aren't ready to consider your fathers

as a gay guy, i think about this constantly. also, metoo

Watch out ….bc the ones that are like “including you?” Those are the ones to be on the look out for ….

To all the men claiming, they don’t have rapist friends: you‘re either lying or delusional.

Everyone confident it's not their friend, is the reason people defend rapists and child sex offenders.
Just because they are good to you does not mean they aren't capable

I used to have a husband. One day i saw my friends rapist on his facebook.
Said rapist was friends with her older brother and for years would sneak into her room and rape her when he was staying over. Started when she was 11.
I told my ex- “he’s ****s rapist you know.”
He didn’t care. He thought it was more complicated than that and he knows him and he couldn’t be a rapist.

I hate him. Both of them, to be fair. But I hate my ex. He stole my sense of self from me little by little.

And this is why we choose the bear. My own dad saw me get drunkenly groped by a shitty football fan after a game… and dad did nothing. He shrugged it off as “boys being boys.”

‼️The owner of Rape Academy (Motherless) is Joshua Lange.

Know his name.

There are a LOT of men who will confidently say they never raped anyone, but coerced women and outright threatened to in ways that made them get a "yes".

I don't spend time with a lot of the dudes I used to be friends with. But in retrospect I imagine friends over the years, more than I want there to be. And the real number is probably more than I think it is.

I have a few close male friends still. I hope none of them are. But odds are odds. I don't know, I can't tell. Why do men expect women to be able to tell?

That last question is the point. If men don’t know which men are rapists, how can women be expected to know?

Instead of asking if they know any rapists, ask them to define rape.

Too many think it is only rape if it's a stranger in the dark who jumps out of hiding toward a woman he doesn't know. But rape is also cajoling, wearing her down, scaring her by raising a fist or voice or both, & can be by anyone even a family member, good friend, bf or spouse.

I don’t know. Some? It worries me.

I don’t want to be a friend or acquaintance of a rapist, or a sex offender, but they don’t broadcast it.

I do know several women who were raped or sexually assaulted, and I know because they talked about it.

Being the perpetrator doesn’t seem like something they talk about - they certainly never have with me, either as a confession or a boast - but maybe they do.

Dominique Pelicot recruited so many willing participants; how did he feel safe to?

It’s sick.

I saw someone else post a question for men to ask of the women in their lives. “Do any of my friends or family members make you uncomfortable?” Maybe start there. Make it clear you want to be an ally and get rid of toxic men in your social circle.

I once sat in a room full of women and made a ooh my uncle touched me joke, a classic of the gay party genre, they all cackeld for a second and then all of the women in the room one by one started sharing stories of how they were touched by their cousins or uncles or caretakers or friends at the age or 16, 12, 7 all the way upto 5, and we just all looked at each other in a moment of shared sisterhood and I've never looked at any man the same since then

If they have ever pouted, started an argument, or continued to try “if you love me” or “so who else you sleeping with if not with me” and they “gave in” - it was YOU! Coercion is RAPE. Manipulation is RAPE. If you ever intentionally “missed” so you could “have anal”, it’s rape. Shamed or demanded oral and she didn’t “act excited” - prolly unwanted. Promised her something to “have sex” with you - prolly non consensual!

Stealthing too. Also rape.

Hint hint: it’s likely all over your family tree. I work in the trauma/ptsd field and it’s definitely y’all’s fan dads, dads, uncles, cousins, and brothers

I definitely suspect multiple family members of crossing the line at some point in their lives. The way those old men talk about women and girls… they do NOT understand consent

I honestly don’t know but hopefully none, what are the signs? None have had accusations that I’ve ever heard but fuck this is creepy food for thought. My childhood friend started having multiple accusations of dc so I don’t talk to him anymore or respond to his messages

Rape jokes, not understanding consent, being someone who makes women uncomfortable or talks about them in a degrading way behind their backs… these are all red flags

Oh thank God. Nope my friends don’t do any of that. 😮‍💨

Way back when I was approx 17 years old, a friend(was) shared with me what he wanted to do with a woman which included rape. He asked me to help him. I told him I'd think about it but what I did do, was go to his home where I spoke with his mother about the conversation.
A week later he was angry with me. Said his mum kicked him out of the house and family. I told him that I would talk to Police about him if any such cases was reported in the news.

None, because as soon as I find out some one is a predator, they are gone from my life. People don’t normally lie about SA.

…not only friends… they’re in their families too

Vast majority of my male friends are virgins. Of the ones who aren’t, nearly all of them have only been with one girl, which is their current girlfriend/wife.

It’s safe to say, I highly highly doubt a single one of them has ever sexually assaulted, much less raped a woman.

In-fact, most men aged 18-30 are virgins, so younger men likely do not have a friend who is a rapist, just off of that alone, much less there being only small percentage of men who are rapists.

And men who say they don't stay friends with rapists..
Do you report the ones you were friends with?

I had a friend all through high school and even was a housemate while in college. Never saw any toxic behavior from him, was a smart, funny and seemingly standup guy. Class President, varsity athlete etc…

Fast forward 20 or so years and I reconnected with an old friend from high school while I was on vacation in her neck of the woods. We hung out and caught each other up on all sorts of stuff. She asked me if I was still friends with this guy, and I said, I hadn’t talked to him in years 1/2

that we were still friends as far as I knew. She went on to tell me that he had drugged an graped one of her friends from out hometown back before the time we had been housemates.

I was surprised, but I absolutely believed her, as she is not prone to BS and her friend is also a straight shooter.

My point is, you just can never tell. I will be telling my daughter to not trust any man, no matter how nice and well put together he might seem. Men have given up the right of presumed innocence

Trouble is so many men have coerced or forced a sex act on a woman that most of them don't even realise they are rapists...

I'd be willing to bet that nearly every man in this comment section who's swearing up and down they dont have any predator friends has either ignored or endorsed predatory comments or behavior from the men in their lives.

I fear many men are not ready to hear “yeah bro, that’s rape” when they say things out loud.

What’s worse is many men aren’t willing to say it to them. And when women do it? Were the problem.

Statistically, about half of them.

Men don't believe you when you flat out tell them what their friend did to you. "I squeezed my legs shut as tightly as I could until he fell asleep on top of me" gets skewed into "She already let him do it, she's just crazy."

Read: Canaan Wilhelmsson-Haack

None, as it's also true for most of the other people. And now the "the who is raping everyone?" text is gonna come. It's almost Like rapists are Like 0.1% of men (shooting High) so of you have less than 1000 Friends ita statistically unlikely a rapists would be between them.

If we’re working off of “all men until it’s no men” then I’d have to assume every single one of my male friends and relatives are.

I only have one friend and he’s married with kids. So I’m safe 😌

Don't really have any friends beside my best one. And if I'd know of any, they would 100% NOT be my friends.

I really only have my best friend as well. I’ve kicked people out of my life that turned out to be predators, and I’ll do it again at the drop of a hat if someone turns out to be one.

I told on one. A close friend. A victim of abuse himself. I’m embarrassed to say it hurt me a little to do it. But he’s still in jail and I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

If any other men know someone who needs to be stopped, the method of reporting might be different where you live. But RAINN has tools that can clarify the reporting process: https://rainn.org/help-and-healing/hotline/

Probably more of them than I thought and now I don’t trust any of them.

I'm 18, I hope none of my friends have participated in that

I cannot think of any current friends who are. I know of several who I found out about after we stopped being friends. I don’t have many friends who identify as men so it’s a small pool to fish in.

I had a man confidently say that he doesn’t know anyone who has SAd a woman. I stopped and turned to him. “Yes you do.” He was prepared to argue but I reminded him that we know some of the same people socially. And I know which ones have done it. So he does know people who have done it. He just doesn’t KNOW that they have done it.

Or, his definition of rape doesn’t include marital rape or incest.

No, that’s not relevant here. It was regular old fashioned sexual assault.

If they did they know me well enough to know I would change shit around. Wouldnt work with them.

I have one friend and he is a great dude. Rapists aren’t friends

I made the mistake. It was me and I own it every time. The culture I was raised in was ass but that’s not an excuse. I’m sorry it was SA not rape but touching someone is not ok and I’m sorry for the hurt and distrust I caused.

Which of your friends? 1 only have 5 friends. All twisted and odd like me.
Killers yes, rapists no.