I was married for 18 years. I have also dated a lot. I can confirm that living as a single woman in your little hobbit hole of a house eating cake and tea, reading all your little books, doing your skincare, wearing whatever you want, never having to ask permission or explain yourself or clean up someone else shit… is absolute heaven.

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My husband announced that he was tired of “supporting me” in the same kitchen where I had spent years feeding his entire family with my salary. He demanded separate finances. I agreed before he realized what he had just separated himself from. “Starting with this paycheck, we each handle our own money,” Diego said, sliding his bank envelope across the counter. “I’m tired of supporting you.” I was chopping cilantro for dinner. The knife stopped once against the cutting board, then continued.

Sit tight.

Bad Monkey returns December 2.